Equal Opportunity Ethical Stats Analysis - not just a good idea, it's the LAW

A reader of mine wondered if there are different standards by which we treat our players in the Fantasy realm. Her exact words were "isn't there some kind of special exception rule in fantasy where certain, more awesome, less ridiculous famous people are entitled to some form of fantasy respect or fantasy death mourning?"

To this question I must answer an emphatic and unequivocal NO! and YES!

This is one part of a question as deep as the ages are........well........aged. It is the question of the looking glass, the spot-light, the talk show top-10 moment, the tabloid cover, and the funniest home video. Is it fair to highlight the less-than-heroic times of our fellow human? What relationship do we, the looker, play in the creation of that which is shown?

On this week's cover of Us Magazine, for instance, besides the obviously annoying weight loss pitch from Jennifer Love Hewitt, the other cover stories are about a celebrity break-up and a scandalous would be leader of the free world adultery (on his wife who has cancer) story.

Now, if truth be told, I really did like John Edwards. He seemed to me to be one of the most genuine and compassionate presidential candidates out there. $450 haircuts aside, I loved how he brought the issue of poverty in America to the fore, and if Barack and Hillary hadn't wiped the debate floor with his ambulance chasing ass, he would have had more time to spotlight this issue which is so overlooked by those other candidates (wealthy people) who pander to those who vote (also relatively wealthy people). But cheating on his wife, especially while she is in a life or death struggle, now that is lower than low. The question is, do we cut him slack because we liked him before? Do we treat him all the harsher because we held him to a higher standard and therefore feel more betrayed than if we had known him for the sleazy, nasty, cruel hearted man that he has revealed himself to be?

Luckily, these are much easier questions to answer here than they are in the wishy-washy-feel-good-gotta-be-a-right-or-wrong-answer realm of ethics class. You see, Fantasy is the ultimate Democracy. We treat everyone as if they are exactly the same person but with varying proven or at least somewhat predictable levels of future statistical return. We do not care what they look like, what language they speak, to which deity they pray, how rich, how poor, or with which gender of lover they care to shnooker. We are 100% equal opportunity here in Fantasyland.

How do we vote in Fantasyland? By utilizing our powers of drop/add. There are only so many spots on any given Fantasy team. Whenever you see somebody making news as we have with the aforementioned John (dirty birdy) Edwards, we have a difficult decision to make. Do I pick him up, or not? If I do, then I must make room for him on my squad by dropping another player. If I feel in the end that every player on my team is going to perform better than JE in the short or long run, then I can't in all good conscience go and grab him.

Now, I believe that I have shown why I would answer NO to my reader's important question. To recap: we do not treat any player differently than another because of some personal taste or distaste for that player.

The reason, however, that I believe that question requires both a NO and a YES answer, is this: in the theater of Fantasy Celebrity there is no greater sign of both respect AND disrespect than a thousand Fantasy managers rushing to the team page of their Fantasy league and attempting to pick that player up before anyone else does. Since taste/distaste is a highly personal thing, we must assume that every potential Fantasy player, aka "every person," is both loved and hated by some percentage of the population. Therefore, if a player is owned in every league, we must assume that this player is owned by at least some fraction of people who both love and dislove them. And since the adding of a player in Fantasy Celebrity is not at all a personal comment on the reason for which they are being covered by Us Magazine, but only a prediction that they will be covered, for good or evil deed, this Fantasy "add" is really only a magnifying lense placed upon the coverage itself.

A great example from the world of Fantasy Sports is The Barry Bonds Show. Barry Bonds is one of the greatest offensive baseball players of all time. I mean "offensive" both in that he could hit like hell and he could offend like hell. Outside of San Francisco he is pretty much universally hated, perceived not only a cheater but also a smug, arrogant, generally not nice dude. But when it comes to Fantasy Baseball, in the last few years of his career when he was most potent with the bat and most hated by non-steroid-embracing fans, he was owned in 99.9% of Fantasy leagues. That's basically all of them, for the mathematically uninclined out there.

Love him or hate him if you must, just don't forget to draft him if he's available.

There is one more side of this that I feel must be acknowledged. That is the Fantasy smack board. Any Fantasy website worth it's salt has some sort of message or chat board where people in league together can tell their competition to go step on a stingray. These forums are not only used for the good natured smack talking that so many of us live for, but are also great for sharing recipes, discussing politics, catching each other up on family happenings, and having stimulating discussions about statistical analysis, especially as it pertains to morality and ethics.

These message forums are a great place also for people to give voice to their misgivings about scoring points for such things as an actor dying, politician cheating, or depressed young musician having her children taken from her for preferring to spend time with her bottle of JD than reading them bedtime stories. Let me assure you, there is no shortage of banter regarding the good, bad, and Fugly character of people's favorite Fantasy heroes.

It is indeed possible to have your cake (Barry Bonds' Home Runs) and eat it too ("what an ass he is!")

Be good, and happy Fantasizing.